dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
