One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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