and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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