GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
