I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
