No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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