Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
