he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
