It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
