I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
