apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize
