i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
