She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
