Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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