I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
