Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You are the jesus of drinking
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