I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
