don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
