he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
