apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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