Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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