i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
