no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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