Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
His nipple licking is glorious
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