We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
