your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
