You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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