we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
