Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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