We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
