tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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