I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
