dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
