shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
