Betty ford says i'm here all night
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
