he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
