I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
