Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
