Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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