He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
