That's intense
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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