Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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