dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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