you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
