girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
