a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
40s are totally the cure
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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