dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
