she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
did i just pee glitter
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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