That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
