Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
