did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
