my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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